~Safe Guarding Our Children Against the Monsters And Abusers~

We are born, supposedly, as a blank slate. right? No information, no judgments, no reasons for what we do and really, no knowledge of the world happening around us. Except for what it taught to us over time, we are like an empty glass waiting to be filled with knowledge. Sadly, with the power of learning we not only learn to tie our shoes, read and to talk, but we're also filled with the double sword gift of judging. Who teaches us to judge, to see differences and to separate people in our mind and label them?  From day one we are taught to put things into pairs, into groups, and into piles based on similarity. Square pegs go into square holes, red berries go into bushels of red berries and on all the way up to collecting and comparing pictures.  Parents, teachers, a stranger making a comment at a store, television shows, siblings, and on and on.....and on have power over our young and very impressionable brains. And no matter how careful parents may be with their remarks and comments, its impossible not to send down to them prejudices (if they exist) as well as opinions and to color in the lines of judgments for our kids. 

I've heard many people say that making judgments is a normal and useful tool in life. While some of them lead us to be too quick to like or dislike someone, some of the judgments we make can keep us safe. While not all "scary" people are bad or good looking people are good, we so often keep ourselves at least feeling safe by bypassing anyone or anything that doesn't look healthy, clean or friendly... I have been surprised in my own life to be taught that I've made bad judgments on very good people but in a world so scary I'd rather my kids be too careful and too judgmental if it keeps them safe than to have no fear at all.

But how do we teach kids to be safe and teach them about "stranger danger" when too often  kids who are abused are done so by everyone BUT the strangers in most cases? A smart child molester is NOT going to appear to people as dirty, "weird", scary or like they are bent on hurting others. While some child abusers cannot hide their ugliness even on the outside, too many are handsome, charming and, sadly, have a magnetic personality. They work hard in order to get into the parents good graces just as much if not more than the child they are stalking...So often after a family finds their child to be abused they are heard saying  "But he was nice" "He was so normal" and "We trusted him". Bingo...

If a person wants to get into your child's life and "take" what they want how hard can it be? All they need to do is be "normal", to offer the child something they want and to  make sure that they are friendly with the parents...Its sad and its scary. I know myself that my abuser was a friends family member...I have known many friends who have known their attackers from a very young age. I have rarely heard a case where a child  said that the stranger down the street just came out of nowhere and molested their kids....(Unless it was a vicious rape of course but I am talking more about a sort of abuse by a familiar person). Very often there has to be a trust and a friendship built between the abuser and his/her victim.

I have had the talk with my own kids...I have tried so hard to be clear about the facts while trying not to scare them. Its a very very fine line. In one breath we are telling our children that they need to respect and listen to their teachers, pastors and coaches and in the next telling them that they should not trust anyone. We tell them that their body is theirs and that they should not allow anyone to touch them if they don't want it but then we say that its not their fault if a person molests them.

As a survivor I can tell you one thing. It is the most important thing to remember. Never ever EVER tell a child who has been abused or who you are trying to keep safe that they should not "allow" anyone to touch their body. There is absolutely no choice in a sexual matter between an adult and a child. Even if a child thinks that he or she wanted the touch, the attention or the kiss, it is in NO WAY their fault! This is such an important thing because other than the abuse itself, SHAME is the biggest monster that haunts any and this child from the day they were touched until the day they die. Shame and fear that their own needs or desires may or may not have played a part in the incident live like a cancer inside a child eating its way into the very core of their heart and self esteem. To this day, 31 years after the abuse, I still believe that I did something wrong. Why?? I am working on that in therapy and through writing but I know its for several reasons....It happened to me with the Grand daughter of the molester and we laughed after...Why did we laugh? For me it was to hide the pain and confusion.

....2....I told an adult...several adults, a few years later after my elementary school had a big meeting about "Good touch Bad touch". No one did anything. My own mother (Who I know did this because of fear of what he would do) made me swear I wouldn't tell my own father. At that moment it because a dirty secret.

....3...I did NOTHING after it happened. I didn't call the police, bring him to court or even tell his family.To this day my friend and I have not spoken about that day.I am afraid that she will either remember but not want to talk about it or that she has blocked it out and will tell me I am nuts. Either way it may not be good. The best outcome would be for her and I to have a conversation about it in order to support each other.

...Here I will end my reasons because I need to find them myself in my time. My point is that the abuse is one thing but the way we handle the entire situation after the abuse is just as important. Its is NOT good to shut the child up and pray it will go away. ALl that will happen is that the child will bury it only to have the demon/abuser come out in nightmares, in possible self abuse (Cutting, being "easy" sexually or being inverted and shy, in having addictions to drugs, alcohol and/or food to fill the hole and to cover the pain and on and on. 

I am honestly very sad at this moment and I feel like I've opened up a very old wound so I will cease writing until I can deal with issue again. Just remember that its so important in now we handle the aftermath of the storm or else the child will grow blaming them self and feeling like less than anyone.Please care for their broken heart and soul just as you would a broken bone or deep wound on the outside of their body.

 Love~ n~ light, hugs and hope, Stacy <3

~An Army Of Friends~

We all have Battles in our life~Some challenge our integrity or our beliefs, some our very body as pain riddles us beneath our skin. Some battles come from within ourselves as we fight against fears and holes in our self esteem and some are played out with not just one but many opponents. It is not our enemies but our allies who mean the difference between fight and flight, winning and losing.  Our allies are there like our shadows. They are the people who believe that we are better than we believe ourselves to be. They fight along side of us without us asking and they are the ones who give us strength to get up when we've fallen and who we can rely on to help us up over the steepest of hills and through the blackest of nights. No matter what your battle, no matter how hard it will be to win your war, I hope for you at least one friend like this.  ...One person in this sometimes bitter and unwelcoming world who believes in your strength and soul and, to spite the possibility that they may not understand who you are at war with or why, will stand along side you through anything while shelving their judgment. If nothing else I hope that if you lose to your opponent, (whether your enemy is a cancer eating at your body or a group of people trying to harm you mentally or physically), that you have that friend by your side till your very last breath. At least then, and forever, you will never be alone.
~Stacy J French-Roosa

Consumers being Screwed by Companies Selling Products

Let me start this out with a link to a story that has got me on this rant....

Poland Springs (Nestle) Being sued for selling Fake Water... (Click to read story)



I am so annoyed by all the lying and underhanded crap these food companies are pulling on us...First I realize that my 5 pound bag of sugar has been replaced by a 4 pound bag with the price being the same if not more costly and then I hear that one company who sells "Spring Water" , if not more to come, are bottling constituted tap water and selling to the public under the guise of being spring water...What is wrong with these companies?

Ice cream half gallons? Only a quart and a half now. Sure they put the correct size on the carton so we can't say they are lying but for most of us who don't see ALL the news to know that there was some report a few years ago about it, I took the company at its word that its a half gallon.  From what some people have said the ice cream put out by the stores themselves still continue to be a half gallon size...At least the stores are being good to us..sorta.

Another person on face book pointed out that tuna is in a 5 ounce can now instead of its normal 7.  A pound of coffee is only 14 ounces, Look around...I bet there are more products that have been changed than we can even count.

So what do we do? Other than boycotting the companies is there anything we can do to let them know our feelings? The problem with boycotting is that we'd have to boycott so many different companies that our cupboards would be bare...Do we write to the companies? Do we tell them we are sick and tired of our products prices going up while the sizes go down? It's worth a try. Not sure if they'll care but sometimes just saying what we are feeling is better than nothing. I imagine the companies think its okay that they are robbing us because they know all their sister companies are doing it too. So much for integrity. If Nestle jumped off a bridge Campells, would you? Yup, if they got money to do it.

Frustrated.....What have you noticed? What annoys and frustrates you??
Write to me at Stacyroosa@gmail.com or leave me a comment here.

Happy Biatching <3

~Inside I Am Screaming~

People think I am sweet. They say so. They say "Stacy would never do that..." or "Not Stacy...". I am just human. And with the loss of my own mother I have started realizing that she was not perfect either.

Figuring out that your own role model isn't perfect is mind blowing. I go back into my memories of her and really look at them and what I find is both comforting and scary.

My mother was just a normal, imperfect, sometimes messy and, at times, just wanted to be left alone. She said things that were judgmental, she envied others and she took solace in the fact that the people around her made mistakes just like her. But she was my hero and its her imperfections that made her beautiful to me.

But forget my Mom for a second. We are here to talk about ourselves and what "evil" and judgmental thoughts we have inside....Here are a few of mine...

1- I am sick and tired of all this political CRAP on face book and in society all together.Have a favorite candidate, follow the guy and, if a friend asks, go ahead and tell them all the great things about the might be president but please, please PLEASE stop posting your opinion all over the internet. I don't care if you are Republican, democrat or Independent  You are NOT going to change anyone's mind about their candidate or yours no matter how many times you say, post or scream it. No one asked you. Sure, its your face book, air or whatever. Go ahead and say what you want. But the preaching and the putting down of the other candidate Is NOT getting you any votes. Its just annoying your friends.

2~ Ok, here is a WEIRD thing I used to think (and sometimes still do)...And its quite difficult to explain but I think some people will understand...Whatever I am doing ~whether dishes, sweeping the floor, reading a book or whatever, I bet myself that if I finish the chore I am doing before the next sound, the next time I blink or whatever goal I set, that something I want will come true. For instance...folding laundry...If I can fold everything before the next car goes by then I will get good news. What is that? Its strange and it doesn't stop there...Does anyone out there have ANY idea what I am talking about????

Stacyroosa@gmail.com    Tell me some weird things you do. I will add them into my next blog (without names ofcourse)...Tell me your weird stuff.


Going off to try to go to bed. Glad I got a few secrets out. Believe me, this is nothing. .I have a whole lot more of strange and embarrassing things as well as the beauty of the world I have been lucky enough to witness. I am just warming up!